Thursday, August 30, 2012

I'm back! Maybe. . .

What a great title!  So original! :) Last night, I came home and Josh had installed my new computer for me!  It has been approximately 10 MONTHS since my last post. . .not that you didn't already know that.  I don't know how much I will be able to blog soon, but I am ready to give it a go after this last break.

Updates:  Candace is due in two weeks!

May I preface the rest of this post by saying that I am being EXTREMELY transparent here.  I am not saying that I am always right, nor do I always handle situations in the best possible way.  I am human and I am still learning. . .<3

This morning, I was on my way to work - mulling over a recent conversation as I usually do.  I tend to give in to that part of my semi-melancholic personality at times. :)  The conversation (although I don't know if I can really call it a conversation. . .) was between me and someone I would love to actually communicate with (as in two-way communication!) - but they seem to always insist on being the one talking with the most important things to say.  Okay.  So I listen and bite my tongue.  But then they want to know certain personal details of my life. . .only so that they can be "happy."  If I give them what they want to hear, they go back to their one-sided conversation about themselves again. . .  And their version of "happy" seems to be. . .um. . ."drama" to me. To make a long story short - I'm not okay with that.  I don't care to share personal details with someone who only cares so that they can draw more attention to themselves.  I don't mean to come across as a mean person, I just feel used.  So at this point, I do my best to listen, then withdraw when needed.  It may not be the best way to handle the situation, but I'm still working through it.  It will be okay someday.  God must be trying to teach me something. . .and I don't always get those lessons quickly!

So this morning, I was racking my brain to think of how I maybe could have handled it better. . .if only there was a way!  I have never been one of those people who always seems to know the perfect thing to say.  It was then that the Holy Spirit seemed to convict me.  Look at the relationship as the one that I have with God.

  • How many times do I keep up with my one-sided conversation and don't let Him speak?  Who am I putting in first place when I do that?
  • How many times do I insist on knowing information that will make me "happy" - but that God knows will just create more "drama"?  
  • How many times does God withhold information from me because He wishes that I would concentrate harder on having a true relationship with Him. . .instead of searching for supposed "happiness"?

I am not trying to put my feelings into God - truly, I'm not.  But I do believe per Genesis 1:27 that we all were made in God's image - which is that my feelings, although human, imitate God's feelings sometimes.  God created our feelings. . .in the image of Himself.  I feel that a lot of times we get frustrated with other people, but really need to take a closer look at ourselves - no only to "fix" our relationship with another human being, but also to "fix" us in our relationship with God.  If I don't care for something someone else does to me, probably, God doesn't like it when I do THE EXACT SAME THING to Him!